From the freecyle listserv: "cosmetically challenged armchair." That cracked me up. Never heard "cosmetically challenged" as a euphemism before. When I was selling stuff on craigslist, I saw "gently faded," "gracefully aged," and more than likely "I'm gonna be honest, it's kinda worn and there are some stains."
But cosmetically challenged furniture, that's a new one. Is it beat up or disjointed? Is it ugly, garishly bright, or gaudy? Does it just need a mentor figure to teach it how to put on makeup, but let it know it's still beautiful anyway without it? Regardless, it's still hilarious.